Time Expanders and Time Sucks
When we have downtime, awareness is the difference between relaxation rituals filling us back up, and being an escape from our daily life.
Like most parents, everything changed in my life when I had a baby. There are scheduling changes, we relinquish a part of our freedom, and a realization settles in that life isn’t about us anymore. All of these normal feelings surfaced for me as I saw parts of my identity slip away. There was less time for dates with my husband, going to the gym, and relaxing, while my schedule was full catering to this new human in my life. When my daughter, Fiona, was six months old I was ready to bring back parts of my former self into my new self as a mother. Step my step, I started to find the time to do the things I love again.
But, there was no denying I had less time. I had to change how I prioritized my day, the people in my life and my energy. My new normal centered around pockets of ‘me’ time throughout the day and figuring out how best I could optimize them. I needed to get clear on what I was lacking so I could find rituals that would bring them back.
What did I want this ‘me’ time to give me? Rejuvenation.
To feel abundant in the little time I had, I needed to be present in how I was spending this time, rather than fall into unconscious relaxation. This is the key difference in partaking in a time suck vs. time expander.
The same actions can be deemed a time suck and a time expander. Let’s use the example of checking Instagram. Say your day is nutty and you get a few moments before a meeting to check in on your feed. Your energy is rushed, you may feel stressed and you’re plugging into a moment of ‘me’ time with chaotic energy. Therefore, those moments before another obligation doesn’t bring you any calmness or peace. In reality, we carry the same chaotic energy through the action and into the next activity. These moments are considered a time suck.
Now, pretend it’s the evening, your child just went to bed, and you have time to yourself for the first time all day. You open up your feed and enjoy the update from the world and view it as a form of connection. The intentional nature of this action is why it’s a time expander. By partaking in checking your Instagram feed, you paused your day and did something that felt good to you.
The key difference between time sucks and time expanders is the energy we bring to it. If you’re feeling stressed or need to escape, taking a few deep inhalations can bring your awareness to the activity you’re choosing to partake in, rather than zooming through it.
When our time is limited and often allocated to everything around us - work, childcare, cleaning, communicating - we need rituals that fill us back up, rather than leave us feeling the same as the way we entered them. Next time you pick up your phone to check your feed, or find time for a workout, or get to sleep in, give yourself pause and recognize that this is the ‘me’ time you’ve been needing. This awareness will be the difference that allows you to feel full afterwards and jump back into your life.
Here are some ways I expand my time
After exercise, I spend a few moments on my yoga mat with my eyes closed to take in the feeling. I can feel how different my body feels and settle into the post-movement bliss.
I really enjoy cooking so when I have ‘me’ time I often decide to prep food or make dinner. Sometimes, I notice my energy is rushed trying to complete the meal in time for eating. When this is the case, I try to pause and remind myself that, for me, cooking is a form of moving meditation. I turn on music or a show I love to bring all of my attention to the ritual I am partaking in.
This is a hard one: as best I can, when I am on my phone checking Instagram or my email, I take in what I am escaping from. I ask myself, “What am I forgoing to have this time on my phone?”. If it’s something that would fill me up, like a conversation with my husband while we drive or play with my daughter, the pause gives me a chance to re-evaluate my choice.
